England should select Arteta

They need to select Arteta. They could also start a decent national academy, wait ten years, and select a young “foreigner” trained in England. I think both would be best.

“Englishness” needs to get over itself. As a German team led by the sublime Mesut Ozil clearly demonstrated, race is separate from nationality. Though Arteta is clearly Spanish in origin; he is English by passport. He has spent the entirety of his adulthood playing football in the British Isles. There is not a slicker player availbile to Fabio Capello. With Jack Wilshere still two to three years from a full starting role in the national team, Arteta stands as the one player available who could put in a killer diagonal ball. For all of Lampard’s enthusiasm or Gerrard’s power, neither offer the finesse of the “Spaniard.” Milner comes close, but is not yet of the same quality. Then again, with his selection of Sean Wright-Phillips over Theo “meep-meep” Walcott, Capello showed that he might not be the genius the English media once (and occasionally still) believe him to be.

England could stick to their guns and let Arteta go another major tournament without stepping onto a pitch.

They could look to win something instead.

A Look Ahead at EL CLASICO

Anyone that says La Liga is too slow is an idiot. Somehow long ball after long ball qualifies as a fast game. Maybe a bulldog running as fast as he can is considered high pressure and I guess if you give him the ball you can consider it nice possession. Can’t do much when someone sprays you a long ball and you have to chase it straight out of bounds. No wonder Fabio Capello is struggling, he has a back line that can’t pass shorter than 30 yards.

Just put your hands above your head and clap at these guys.

There isn’t a derby in the world that is in comparison to El Clasico. You want your stupid knee high tackles, they are here. You want blazing fast pace, it’s here too. The only thing that is different between this derby and the next is that unbelievable talent and skill of every players on the pitch. Find me a match where the ball and the players move this fast and we might have an argument. I hate hearing that the Tiki Taka style is useless. Nine-tenths of the law says it’s not.

Anyways, Barcelona signed one of the best strikers in the world even though they already had one of the most skilled. David Villa is the exact type of player they needed to run up front. He knows how to move off the ball, understands his teammates movements having played together on the national team, and is a more consistent finisher than Ibra. I expect Zlatan and The Sheikh Mansour to be talking sometime soon.

Not much else happened in the Catalan club, however the Bernabeu picked up the most hated, or loved (whoever you support), manager in the world right now. Regardless of your care for the guy, he is currently the most revered man to be confined by a small white box. Jose Mourinho is a genius and all I can guarantee is that you won’t see another 2-6 loss. Mourinho already has the most creative startingXI in the world and the addition of Ozil, Di Maria, Khedira, and even Carvalho will make the bench more dangerous.

On a separate note, I can’t believe Real just let Raul and Guti go so easily. The greatest goal scorer to wear the all white kit and arguably the best through ball passer to come through The Santiago Bernabeu. Two one-club players couldn’t even be given a chance to retire at their home soil. Perez is immorally desperate. Idiot.

Guardiola is a managerial prodigy, having won every possible trophy in his first year as the boss of the first team. The youngest manager to ever win the CL was exposed last season in the semifinal when he faced Mourinho and Inter. Outsmarted at both the Camp Nou and the San Siro, I expect Pep to be prepared this time around when they meet on Nov. 28th and April 17th.

If you value quality, get yourself in front of a television when the two teams meet. Don’t be an imbecile, you have nothing better to do on those Sundays anyways.

Champions League 2010-11 Preview

Let’s be honest, the most meaningful trophy in the world is silver and has handles on it. You won’t find The Oranje in the Champions League final because they clearly aren’t good enough to make it there. You sure as hell won’t find some random named Rabah Saadane or Juan de Dios Castillo (clearly a feared man) managing anyone at Wembley in May.

The Champions League final is played by the two best teams assembled that year. The Mourinho card is really just an exception.

CL qualifies four teams from England, Spain, and Italy and three teams from France, Germany, and Russia and the champions from every other league in Europe. I don’t even feel like naming the leagues that qualify two teams like the Rangers or Celtic. They just take up space and suck. MLS>SPL.

The first of the new faces from last year is Tottenham, who takes the usual Liverpool spot. Tottenham got embarrassed by the prepubescent Young Boys last week, but will hopefully do something decent when they head back to White Hart Lane.

From Ligue1, Bordeaux drops out giving AJ Auxerre a CL berth. Nobody worth naming on that team so good luck.

Unless Jose Mourinho is your coach, the Portuguese Liga does as much for me as Celtic or Rangers. They are just there to screw with the goal differential and nothing more. Falcao and Porto didn’t defend their title allowing Braga into the group stage. Who cares.

The Serie A send two new teams in Roma and Sampdoria. Doria just got sent home by a more skilled Werder Bremen, while Daniele De Rossi and Roma are waiting for the group stages to begin. De Rossi may very well be the best CDM in the world with Mascherano deciding to sit out and wait for someone to pick him up.

Everyone’s new favorite striker, Diego Forlan and anime lover, Kun Aguero decided to take ninth in La Liga last season. Winning the Europa League was amazing, but I would prefer to see them in the CL rather than a Villa/Silva-less Valencia.

The accidentally bleached hair of Keisuke Honda will not be seen taking free kicks this CL year. CSKA Moscow play in the Europa League allowing Spartak Moscow and Zenit St. Petersburg to see CL play. The most expensive player in the Russian Premier League is worth watching. Portuguese striker, Danny, wears #10 for club and country and will try to finesse his way to the CL group stages, but probably won’t.

I like what I see from the Bundesliga. Wolfsburg and Stuttgart had a less than average year allowing Schalke 04 and Werder Bremen into the CL. Schalke just picked up Raul, one of the best goal scorers of the last decade and Bremen have the German version of Arshavin. Marko Marin was a no show in the World Cup, but the midget has some skills.

Who cares about the Romanian, Turkish, Ukrainian, Swiss, and Netherlands qualifiers because none of them will go far. If they do it will be by accident. The Eredivisie haven’t put together a good team since the powerful Ajax days, while Greek teams struggle except for the occasional Panathinaikos or Olympiacos that might make the elimination round.

Wouldn’t mind seeing newly acquired Yoann Gourcuff and Lyon going far and maybe meeting an Arsenal or a Chelsea. Say what you like, but Arsenal plays the best soccer in England and I wouldn’t mind hearing  more Wenger speeches. Barca is the most complete team walking this earth right now so seeing anyone else in at Wembley will piss me off. Also, I better not hear about Chicharito leading anyone to anything.

Season Preview: Promoted Squads – West Bromwich Albion

After flip-flopping four times between the Championship and the Premier League, you would think a team would get their act together. With this being West Brom’s 5th visit back to the EPL, I would hope one of the original founders of The Football League could stay in the first division.

Their most recent achievement is hardly an achievement. The Great Escape, led by former Manager Bobby Robson, was their last great feat having escaped relegation while being at the bottom of the table in 05-06. The last dumbass to coach the team was Tony Mowbray, who managed to get  few awards for promoting a team that have spent time in the gray area between the first and second division. Good job doing your job. He then left for Celtic and wasn’t even allowed to stay a full term.

Current manager, Roberto Di Matteo, was once a good player and with extremely limited managerial experience took his first team at MK Dons just two years ago. Di Matteo’s first year as a manager saw him lead MK Dons to a semifinal playoff match in League1, only to lose in PKs because his old teammate from Chelsea missed the 7th. Di Matteo joined West Brom and took them to a second place finish behind Newcastle and an automatic promotion to The Premier League.

The Baggies have a couple players that I could mention, but only one that really deserves a a few words. Nicky Shorey is an England International, but not as of late, which can be an insult if you look at it that way. I’m actually not too sure why I’m writing about him actually… the guy spent time in 3 teams in under a year. WBA also need a new mascot or none at all.

I hate seeing Chelsea sit on top of the table, no matter what part of the season it is. Allowing 6 goals is a damn embarrassment as a manager, but I guess ‘Drogba’ can be an excuse. This is going to be a long year for Albion.

Season Preview: Promoted Squads – Newcastle

Apart from being the best team to be relegated in recent years, The Toon also scouted one of the greatest forwards to never play the game, Santiago Munez. Goal could very well be the worst movie ever created, just behind Goal 2, and The Land Before Time: 47. I hate Santi.

A little bit of history for you:

The likes of Andy Cole, Les Ferdinand, and Alan Shearer have all put on a Magpie kit and played in one of the most famous grounds in England, St. James Park. Newcastle have participated in three Champions Leagues and multiple European Cups with their most recent in the 06-07 UEFA Cup.

The current skipper is Kevin Nolan, but the most notable player for me is their vice-captain, Alan Smith, one of the hardest tackling players in the game. A few young players worth mentioning at Jose Enrique, Danny Guthrie, and Dan Gosling. One over-30 worth a few words is Sol Campbell. Age is just a number, but at 35, the 6’2 bull only saw 11 matches last season for Arsenal. Newcastle is the only team from the 2009-10 season to go undefeated at home and secured 102 pts throughout the season.

Not much to talk about when it comes to their Manager, Chris Hughton. A caretaker turned manager, Hughton was named Manager of the month for three successive fall months from September to November for securing an 8 pt lead by Christmas. Can’t say Hughton started out well by letting Berbatov score. You have issues if he is ‘quick’ enough to get behind your back line.

Hope for an Entertainers revival, but don’t expect it.

Season Preview: Promoted Squads – Blackpool

To be completely honest, less than a few hours ago I couldn’t tell you a single tactical, let alone intellectual, thing about these three newly promoted teams.

After reading about all three clubs my favorite has definitely got to be Blackpool. That team has a boss of  manager, a mad as a March hare (thank you thesaurus.com) history, and a #10 that is clutch when the life of the club is on the line. Really though, I shouldn’t even be writing about this club as they were supposed to be relegated to the beer league two decades ago.

The Seasiders have the English poor-man’s version of Jose Mourinho, with all this shit he says. In less than a year Manager Ian Holloway took a nearly relegated Blackpool team to a 6th place Championship finish and playoff win to secure their first Barclay’s Premiership berth. For some reason after winning the Championship Playoffs and securing a spot in the top flight, rumors were flying that  Holloway was to resign until he said this:

“Apparently yesterday I had resigned. It’s just a crazy world that we have moved into. Before anyone asks a question, I just want to make sure you can see me – you can see me here and I’m not a cardboard cut-out, because somehow or other, I’m not supposed to be here. I had to be in London the day before and didn’t want to drive back at six o’clock in the morning to get here because I was too tired. I had to be at a Premier League meeting, and look what that has caused by not coming back up for training. We only had eight players, some were on international duty and I wasn’t going to train them that hard anyway. Look at how things go crazy. But welcome, and by the way, we’ve just signed some new players as well. I just want to get that straight.”

Less than 24 hours after this press conference he signed a two-year contract. This guy is a boss. Nuff said.

Not much to be told about their history apart from playing in all 4 leagues in the last two decades and being promoted every time through the playoff system. Meh.

The 2008-09 season should have seen The Tangerines relegated until their #10, Brett Ormerod, clinched another season in the Championship by scoring the goal they needed in order to avoid relegation to the overweight men’s league. In the final of last season’s Championship Playoff, Ormerod scored the game winner to send Blackpool to the EPL.

I still think Lee Trundle is still the best forward in The Championship.

I’ll take a 4-0 win over Wigan anyday. Just shows you can’t be around Alexi Lalas and remain intelligent.

Season Preview: Everyone else.

Oh, give me a break, you say. Well, give me a break. You can write 200 interesting words about Blackburn Rovers? I bet. Sam Allardyce is a fat sack of shit who actively plays anti-football and is the reason (not literally, but in terms of mindset) that the England FA have won F-A lately. Cue the laughtrack?

Blackpool will be an injection of fun into the league. Ian Holloway is everything that Fat Sam isn’t.  He’s like Phil Brown with a functioning frontal lobe. Though they are unlikely to repeat their debut performance, they may well pull a Burnley and keep up with the big boys for a while. They luckily inherit a league full of shockingly poor teams. West Ham were incredible lucky to be competing against a CLUB WITHOUT PLAYERS to avoid relegation last year. Good looks, Portsmouth. The shame about the Hammers is that they’ve always been a club who actually go out looking to play the ball around, and they’ve never been interested in those shockingly aggressive challenges that some people seem to think should define the English game. At least Scott Parker is going to make a nice going away present for someone.

Tottenham are exciting (grasps at throat) but will hopefully embarrass themselves in Europe. Spurs are less the death of football than Chelsea or Man City, but they still seem content playing as a business running a deficit. As my friend Paul Newall wrote on Twitter the other day, Gareth Bale may be the best left-sided player in the league. I think Paul wrote “in the world,” but Spurs supporters are notoriously full of shit. Either way, THFC are about one Brazilian striker away from keeping Man City out of the Champions League for a long time. As an Arsenal supporter, this actually sits fairly well with me, so long as they are absolutely demolished by teams like Sevilla every year in the first knock-out round. Small club.

Chelsea can fuck right off.

Who’s left? Liverpool? Okay. Roy Hodgson is a genuinely good person. Did you see him and Wenger shake hands yesterday? It was great. Two non-bastards just having a nice pre-game laugh. Then Joe Cole went in like a scythe for no reason, then Almunia played like Almunia, and then Reina did something thoroughly un-Reina-like. With Woy at the wheel, Liverpool will finish fairly well. Let’s all agree that N’Gog is not good enough and just move on. Dirk Kuyt looks like a furby. He really, really does.

Owen Coyle’s Bolton will hopefully prove to middle table teams that playing football is much better than buying a player who can throw the ball 70 yards or trying to shatter legs. I might even root for Bolton. This will cause me to drink. That won’t be so bad.

If Newcastle go back down, I will laugh for the entire summer.

And there! It’s the entire preview! Did I miss your club? I understand that you love Manchester City. However, I hate you. Tough shit. Start your own website.

Homegrown, What Are You Smoking?

At this point, the best league in the world is up in the air. Style to the Spanish, elegance to the French, balance in the Germans, organization to the Italians, and none more flashy than the Portuguese. What about the English Premier League?… Fitness? Pressure? Because of this new ‘Homegrown’ rule created by the FA, all teams in the ‘Best League in the World’ must have: “….a squad named of up to 25 players, of which no more than 17 can be over the age of 21 and not home grown.”

The term ‘homegrown’ means that these players had to have spent 3 years developing in an English or Welsh professional system before they are 21 years of age. FA chief executive Richard Scudamore then stated that “clubs will have to declare their 25 at the end of August when the window shuts and then again at the end of January. It’s not in the club’s interests to stockpile players… It will make buying home-grown talent more attractive…We’re not going down the route of a nationality test but what this will mean is that you just can’t buy a team from abroad…We think it will give clubs an extra incentive to invest in youth. We think that one of the benefits will be that it will help the England team.”

All this talk came after The Three Lions completely abysmal run in the World Cup. When the English failed to move past the round of 16, getting run by the young Germans 4-1, excuses began to fly. Sir Alex started to talk about the possibility of a winter break, claiming the season is too long and players burn out much easier than any other professional league. With the ‘toughest league in the world’ you might think the toughest players in the world could handle it. It’s not like it’s their job or anything. The best derby in the game is El Clasico and the Bundesliga needs the final 2 weeks to decide a winner between 4-5 clubs. I am beginning to question why the EPL is the ‘best league’.

Read what Le Professeur, Arsene Wenger had to say about the new rule:  “Instead of asking ‘we have the best league in the world, how can we make it greater?’ they wonder ‘how can we make it smaller?’ The rules they decide are a disaster for this country. Ridiculous. They are all artificial and have nothing to do with top-level sport… it’s paralyzing the market.” Arsene muttering the word ‘ridiculous’ is probably as funny as Pepe Reina’s blunder this morning.

Now, not only could there be less matches per year, but there will be less international competition… All this to help out the English National Team? That’s just silly.

Blogs: http://www.tottenhamhotspurs.tv/forum/players-lounge/8328-epl-introduce-home-grown-quota-next-season.html

http://www.epltalk.com/what-does-the-home-grown-rule-mean-to-premier-league-football/22699

http://www.thehardtackle.com/index.php/fas-player-cap-rule-whats-in-store-for-englands-elite/

Season Preview: Manchester United

On Monday, Sir Alex Ferguson takes the reigns of the Red Devils for the 25th season. Alex the Red-Nosed Scotsman will be fielding a team of separate identities; combining the experience and precision of former Fledglings Scholes and Giggs with the raw talent of Nani, Antonio Valencia, and Macheda et al. With the addition of Bebe, United now have eight strikers on their senior roster. While it is likely that the formerly homeless Portuguese oddity will find himself out on loan, there is an undeniable amount of firepower at the front. Rooney will inevitably recover from a shaky World Cup and find his form. Michael Owen will still not be 16. Berbatov will continue to play the same way he has always has (though that form was “World Class” while he was at Spurs. hm.) and Macheda and the freshly purchased Chicharito both looked very lively during the preseason.

I’m kidding about Berbatov. He actually cared a little bit whilst at Tottenham. Anyways, United are still solid at the back having held onto Vidic and van der Sar. The midfield will be led by two of the classiest gentlemen to ever play the game, Giggs and Scholes, and some Canadians or something. Park Ji-Sung is still the man. Tom Cleverly (and what a name!) showed serious energy and cheekiness during the friendly versus MLS All-Stars. He will be looking to make a few starts and maybe a real name for himself.

United will seriously challenge in every competition. I would list those for you, but the thought of them winning anything causes my blood pressure to triple. I hope Phil Brown replaces SAF. I want this more than pizza right now. And I love pizza.

Blogs: http://therepublikofmancunia.com/

http://a-kick-in-the-grass.blogspot.com/

Podcast: http://playbackmedia.co.uk/the-manyoo-redcast/

Season Preview: Everton

David Moyes’ boys will look to build on a season that despite serious injury issues saw them finish 8th. Their Spanish midfield maestro, Mikel Arteta, is fully recovered from  a knee injury that kept him away from first team action for much of the last campaign. The Toffees possess a powerful combination of strength and guile and majestic hair throughout the spine of their team. Have you seen Marouane Fellaini? Incredible stuff, really.

On a briefly serious note, the emergence of young players like Jack Rodwell in a team that is already extremely strong and well organized might mean that Everton offer a serious challenge to Liverpool, Tottenham, and Manchester City for the fourth (or third.) Champion’s League place.

Moyes is an acknowledged yet still underrated manager. The strike force of Louis Saha and Yakubu leaves a lot to be desired, but the team is fully capable of scoring plenty of goals from midfield.

American Landon Donovan looks to return on a loan deal that would provide the team with a much-needed pacy and experienced forward, but Beckford, Joao Silva, or James Vaughan could develop into quality first-team players. Everton will compete for a strong European place, and, if they stay healthy, will push deep into both domestic cup competitions as well.

Now try saying Diniyar Rinatovich Bilyaletdinov. Three times. fast.

Blogs: http://postmatchpint.blogspot.com/

http://www.toffeeweb.com/

Podcast: http://feeds.evertonfc.com/everton-podcast